I thought we’d kick off 2019 with a bit of girl talk, you know, just between you and me.
I also know you all love my sex posts, especially since the Husband only finds out that I wrote about our sex life when the post goes live. Sorry not sorry.
By now, most of you will know that I’ve had two babies and my youngest is now a whole 10 months young! Woot!
This means we’re getting more sleep and things in my body have shifted back into place. Maybe not exactly the same place, maybe a little lower and wider, but still within the same general regions.
With all these bits and hormones shifting around, to my and the Husband’s absolute delight, we’ve been getting down and dirty (except very cleanly and after a shower, of course, because no one likes all-day-ball-sweat in their face…)
…and I’m not gonna lie you guys – it’s been pretty amazing!
Ahh, the never ending war between the sexes about sex.
You see, ideally men would like to have sex three, four, five times a day.
But honestly, women could get away with having sex once a month, if they must.
We’re not all the same, but I would say that would be the general consensus.
Most women would rather lie in bed quietly for over an hour pretending she’s asleep than touch a penis…
On Mars, where men are from, they probably had lots of jelly holes in walls where they could stick their dick in whenever and however they wanted to; there is no shame in that on Mars because they all do it.
On Venus, where women reside, us ladies are sitting around, drinking cocktails, getting our nails did, talking shit about each other and enjoying the eternal summer.
Sex is so far down Venusans’ list of things to do, it’s not even funny. It’s below vacuuming and cleaning the corners of their pristine living rooms.
Most women would rather lie in bed quietly for over an hour pretending she’s asleep than touch a penis – even if it was Ryan Gosling‘s.
We all love to think that if Ryan came to sweep us off our feet, we would live in bliss with him. But I can assure you that a few years in, even Ryan will be hearing some fake-sleep-breathing going on in bed.
Martians, on the other hand, wake up with hard ons. Sex for Martians is like breathing. Some Martians have even been known to have sex with cars.
Have you ever heard of a woman having sex with a car?
No. You probably haven’t
Because if we couldn’t even muster having sex with Ryan Gosling, having sex with a car would be simply ludicrous.
So it’s no wonder men and women, including me and the Husband, fight about this. All. The. Time.
But guess what – there haven’t been any fights in this house about sex in a long time. Why?
Because Bildo got her groove back, YEA!
When I was in my 20’s, I was always so hard on myself.
And I finally love myself and my body.
I appreciate what I have been able to do, that I grew two healthy children. Yes, I’m a size bigger than I was pre-baby, but shit, what can be expected?
When I was in my 20’s, I was always so hard on myself. I hated wearing bikinis because I had cellulite on by butt and thighs.
Like, what the fuck?
If I may say so myself, I wasn’t ugly.
But I used to feel so shy about it all. I was always shy having sex. I was always, what some might call, frigid. I mean, I did stuff, but I didn’t want to talk about it, I certainly didn’t want to talk during it.
I was always scared of becoming a nun (because nuns are scary), but it seems that’s exactly what I ended up becoming!
And it took two kids and losing my sex drive completely to reset something in my brain and set off my sexy alter ego, Dragana.
My sex-crazed alter ego doesn’t have a name. She’s still me. Just less frigid.
And less frigid I am! I don’t know what it is, but I find myself putting the kids to bed earlier so Dragana can get her groove on.
And the sex has never been better.
Maybe it’s because the Husband has been doing more chores around the house, which is a classic “have sex with me” move.
Maybe it’s because I’ve let go of the shyness and the ridiculous worries about my cellulite that no one but me ever noticed.
Maybe it really is age – maybe I reached a new level of adulthood.
Whatever it is, I never want it to go away.
Move over, Christian Grey!
Dragana is in town!
On that note…
Thanks for stopping by and tell me – has your sex life improved over the years? Do you have an alter ego?
Be good everyone,