Mark my words - the end is, like, only 600 years away.

Okay, it’s gonna get a little gloomy, but it’ll pick right up at the end.

If you are one of the lucky ones.

Catch up with Have We Lost Our Souls and Can We Please Talk About Death?

You see, I have a theory about the Earth’s future and I think it’s pretty beautiful, but I’m sadistic like that.

I’m also almost certain that my depiction of what’s coming is around 70% accurate. And let’s face it, by the time my prediction does comes true (or at least 70% of it), Google won’t exist, let alone my sweet little blog. So I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Let’s go.

Climate Change

For all you flat earthers who don’t believe in climate change, I can’t help you. Move on to an article about me cutting my fringe or go read about my favorite sandwich recipe.

For the rest of you realistic people, here’s what I think is up.

We’re fucked.

That’s right, we are far too gone, far too conditioned to change our ways and our use of plastic will never be eliminated no matter how many animals we see stuck in beer can holders.

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Peanut, the deformed turtle | Image Credit: inhabitat

And it’s not just plastic causing all this drama – all those awesome greenhouse gas emissions are just warming the place up like a heater under a blanket.

But we are creatures of habit, stubborn creatures, selfish creatures. We think we own the joint and we think we will survive no matter what.

Well guess what?

We won’t.

Mother Earth, the Goddess

You see, this isn’t our house. The Earth doesn’t belong to us. She belongs to no one.
The Earth is a beautiful place hosting a bunch of souls, and just like any mother, She has spoiled us.

She has given us a false sense of security because whatever we throw at Her, She takes it and makes some delish lemonade from it. She not only survives, but thrives and adapts so we can continue to have the lifestyle She has allowed us to get accustomed to.

You want beautiful beaches? You got it. How about some islands and rain forests and shit? Sure thing, coming right up.

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But She’s getting tired. She’s getting tired of our bullshit. And She is getting ready.

She’s getting ready for a freak out of apocalyptic proportions.

Zombies and Gremlins and Orcs, Oh My!

That’s right, as all parents would know, when enough is enough, enough is enough,
And one day, in 600 or so years, Mother Earth will get fed up with the Donald Trump’s of the world and be like “FUCK YOU AND YOUR GIANT, POLLUTING CORPORATIONS, YO!”

Then, She will reign hell. And She will burn this place to the ground.

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I don’t think that orcs and zombies will really be born, although maybe She will play a little game where She makes us adapt to Her for a change, resulting in creatures from hell walking the Earth. It will be the period in history when She is just mean. 

Only a few will survive – the ones that can think quick and adapt.

Utopia

Then, hundreds of years after She loses Her shit, She will feel a little guilty that She was acting a little crazy. She will have had the time to reassess and recover from the nasty shit our two to three millennia of existence did to Her.

The sun will shine bright, birds may or may not have wings to fly high, but She will be ready for new human habitants to join Her. You know, the ones who have been hiding in their bunker.

And it will be a utopia. Of those survivors who managed to keep their blood lines going, it will be like starting at the beginning. We will all live off the grid, hell, there won’t be a grid!

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We will all be in small communities, living from the abundant shit that Mother Earth will allow us. And we will be put back in our place.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ing Her.

Is there a way we can help now?

Honestly – probably not.

For us to bring the Earth back from the inevitable, we would need everyone to go green, like, tomorrow, and we would need to kill off about 3 billion people. And that’s just the start.

I’m a scientist, feel free to quote me.

So obviously that’s not gonna happen, cause how do you decide who gets to stay and who has to go and more importantly, how do we get rid of them humanely? That’s some Hitler sort of shit and no one liked him…

So my message is this – try and make a difference.

So my message is this – try and make a difference. If you can avoid using plastic, do so. If you can help the Earth regenerate, even a little, like growing your own vegetables, then do it. If you can live off the grid, build yourself a weather and atomic proof bunker, then definitely do that.

But if you’re too spoilt (like me) to do most of that stuff, then use your time here on this beautiful planet wisely. Be kind to people and get off your phones, look around. Travel and see New York before Antarctica melts and sinks the whole fucking island.

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Enjoy what we have built, here and now. Because tomorrow may never come.

No, like, seriously.

Ok, that’s enough of doomsday predictions.

Thank you for reading and making the small change to love Mother Earth like She loves you. And remember – don’t be a dick! Not to Her Majesty, Earth – not to anyone.

Love, B.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not really a scientist, please don’t quote me.

Author: Billi Milovanovic

Billi, A.K.A Bildo, is a freelance writer and she has loved writing since Hotmail accounts were cool – her 15 childhood diaries will attest to that. She’s birthed a couple of little Bildo’s, been with her adoring Husband for over a decade and they would describe themselves about as happy as clams can be. Not that that means he reads this blog – although he really should, seeing as he features in it quite frequently.