A chore?

I’ve had an epiphany.

Catch up with My House, My Rules and Silly Things My Husband Says.

Let me set the scene for you.

The house is a mess. The usual, really.

It’s the weekend and I start cleaning. But not the normal kind of cleaning.

The kind of cleaning that sends you into a frenzy, the kind of frenzy that sharks get into when they taste blood.

Well, I’ve tasted filth, I lost my shit and I was on a mission to rid the place of every dust mite in sight.

I start in the bedrooms, the kids are squealing and playing and following me around.

But where is the Husband?

M.I.A. Husband

The Husband is M.I.A., that’s where. He’s missing in action. He’s disappeared downstairs, to his lair, to clean the garage and water the plants.

Depiction of Hiding Husband

And it got me thinking how every time I start cleaning upstairs, he’s suddenly indisposed. Suddenly the car needs cleaning, he needs a haircut, his fishing room is messy, the backyard needs a mow.

And it’s not like he’s not doing anything, to be fair to him. It’s just that inadvertently, I end up cleaning the house all by myself and that fucking sucks. And it’s boring. And it’s hard. And I hate it.

But you know what it reminded me of…?

“Honey, not now, I have a headache”

It reminded me of how women make excuses as soon as we feel sexual advances coming on!

Depiction of Hiding Wife

Suddenly we have to wash our hair, or our period is coming, or it’s raining and that makes us sweaty (or is that just me???)

Suddenly, we come up with any excuse under the sun to avoid having sex. We sense the need in the man and we start looking around wildly for any excuse not to do it.

So is sex to women what housework is to men – a chore??

Sex, sex, sex

Although I’ve been bragging about my sexy alter ego, Dragana, who has emerged after two kids and almost 3 years of very, very irregular sex – don’t be mistaken – Bildo still lives here.

And Bildo knows how to make an excuse or two to avoid sex.

Anything from forward planning, like not shaving my legs for a month, to quick thinking karate chops when the Husband’s hand starts roaming.

…let’s face it, I really don’t think he means that I can lie there like a starfish eating chips while he tries to start the proverbial fire.

The thing is, it’s not that I don’t love my husband, it’s not that I don’t find him sexy as fuck. It’s not that I don’t want to be intimate with him.

It’s just that sometimes, frankly, I can’t be bothered.

And I need to be in the mood to get sexy. The circumstances must be perfect. I need to mentally prepare myself to bring out Dragana.

Dragana

Because when he says I don’t have to do anything because he’ll do all the work – let’s face it, I really don’t think he means that I can lie there like a starfish eating chips while he tries to start the proverbial fire.

That’s not fun for him and sex should be fun! It should be pleasant! If I’m not going to participate, then he may as well get a blow up wife.

So is that how he feels about housework?

Chores, chores, chores

Is this what men do? Do they have to mentally prepare themselves to vacuum?

Image Credit: Verywell Mind

Does the Husband have to be told in advance that we will be cleaning the house the following weekend so he can get used to the idea, mill it around in his head, deal with it give in to my advances with the dusting cloth?

This is why I think that housework can really be made into something sexy, because I swear to God, half of getting in the mood is knowing that the house is clean and that the Husband cleaned it.

Housework is what buys men brownie points. And what can you buy with brownie points?

Pussy.

That’s what.

Don’t be shy, we all know where it’s at.

How do we agree?

Can men and women agree on chores? Is there a solution? Are we destined to have this conflict for the rest of eternity?

Do lesbians and gay couples have these same conflicts? Does one person always hide from housework while the other constantly has headaches brought on by the prospect of sex?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, so hit me up – do you have the same battles in your relationship?

Thanks for stopping by and remember – don’t be a dick!

Love always,

B.


Author: Billi Milovanovic

Billi, A.K.A Bildo, is a freelance writer and she has loved writing since Hotmail accounts were cool – her 15 childhood diaries will attest to that. She’s birthed a couple of little Bildo’s, been with her adoring Husband for over a decade and they would describe themselves about as happy as clams can be. Not that that means he reads this blog – although he really should, seeing as he features in it quite frequently.