Long term relationship sex has a bad reputation.
Primarily because new relationship sex has such a good reputation.
New relationship sex is the best!
You’re feeling the lust and everything is so… new! There is a certain carefree-ness about new relationship sex. It’s fresh and each touch can send you to heaven and back.
Long term relationship sex is more… well, less… exciting.
There, I said it.
But it doesn’t have to be! There is lots to be said for being comfortable with someone. So let’s explore the secrets to great long term relationship sex.
Lights on or off – it don’t matter!
Let’s face it, when you just start dating someone, you don’t want them to see all your bits, not all at once. Not for a long time.
You kinda just want to ease into letting them see your cellulite or weird back hair (what, you don’t have weird back hair?); you want them to love you first before seeing you completely naked, so they can’t run away.
But when you’ve been with someone for a long time, especially if they’ve seen you give birth, there’s very little that they haven’t seen under all kinds of fluorescent lights.
Which makes sex that much more enjoyable (and visible) because you’re not worried about the stupid little stuff.
Sweat pants can be as sexy as lingerie
Being sexy is all about being confident and if you’ve been with someone for a long time and you don’t feel sexy in your sweat pants, you are not doing it right.
By now, that person has already seen every curve, corner and curl so they don’t necessarily care what you’re wearing before they rip it off you (or just take it off normally because if you rip my favourite sweats, I will cut you…)
Don’t get me wrong – men do care about how you look, of course they do. We care about how they look too. I mean, don’t not shower for days on end, you know what I’m sayin’?
But there’s something endearing and sexylicious about being cozy and comfortable in your own skin and sweats, something irresistible. It shouldn’t matter what you’re in. Having said that…
Lingerie holds more power
Don’t underestimate the power of lingerie because lingerie in long term relationships becomes almost unicorn in nature.
It becomes something so unbelievable, something so unexpected, that it will send you right back to the beginning when everything was arousing and your bits weren’t hanging half way down your body.
Lingerie holds some magical power over men, it feeds into everyone’s fantasy.
Also, it promotes a bit of role play.
Excuse me officer, I lost my puppy… in my pants.
Ew, is that weird??
Role play in long term relationships can be saucy af. You don’t need it at the beginning of a relationship, you don’t need anything but time at the beginning.
But if you’ve decided that long term monogamy is the thing for you that then there’s no shame in pretending to be someone else for an hour. Or three minutes, whatever you can manage.
Playing into your desires to have sex with a stranger whilst doing it in the comfort of your own home with the man or woman you love, can be sensational.
And if you’re thinking to yourself that role playing is only for movie characters, think again – have a wine, get in the zone, get those candles going and lose a puppy. Go on!
What’s the REAL secret though?
But do you want to know the real secret to great sex in a long term relationship?
Prepare the cheese because the real secret is love.
The best thing about being in a long term relationship is that you’re with someone who probably knows almost everything about you and they still love you.
They’re still there.
…if I was with Henry Golding for 5+ years, sex would still get a bit stale…
So if you’ve decided to be with that person, and sex gets a little stale (no shame in that, if I was with Henry Golding for 5+ years, sex would still get a bit stale) there are a million options to get that fire burning again. The worst thing you can do is ignore it, hope it goes away, and keep having regular, boring sex that even the Queen would be ashamed of.
So tell me – what’s your secret?
Don’t be shy and join the conversation!
Thanks everyone, remember, don’t be a dick and love always,