Coffee Shop Talk Stories

“We won $50,000 dollars!!”

That was the phone call I was going to make to my husband. Those were the words playing in my head. I saw a sign and I had to follow it.

I bought a scratchie!

I’ve read ‘The Secret‘, ok? I’ve been imagining a huge amount of unexpected cash in my bank account for years.

So today, I’m walking my baby to the shops for some milk but really, for some exercise, and I walk past a newsagent. I’ve walked past this same place about a million times and today something stood out.

It was an older gentleman and he was scratching at a scratchie!

Now, I’ve bought my fair share of scratchies, I used to love the Crossword one. It’s the only form of gambling that I really partake in, aside from the occasional poker game.

So as I’m walking past, I think to myself, this is a sign. What if I was supposed to see him? What if life is telling me something? What if this is the day I buy that winning scratchie?

And as I’m walking away, I see it all. I see the alternate version of events, a universe where I win the $50k. I see myself calling my husband and screaming those words at him, “We won 50,000 dollars!! We won, we won!!”.

So I’m fantasizing, I’ll be jumping on the beach kind of excited!

And then I realise I’m ignoring the sign and I’m walking away from what’s a sure win at this stage.

So, I turn the baby around, we’re going back for our money.

I enter the shop, walk past the man with the scratchie and a woman with a dog that looks like a rat. I walk up to the cashier and I check out the available options.

Should I go for the Crossword? Or the Treasure Chest? Or perhaps the ocean themed one?

But the one that’s calling my name is the Set for Life scratchie. It is silver and shiny and promising. The amount I could win is $250,000, but I’m not greedy, I don’t need more than my $50,000.

I tell the cashier I want that one and he says “That’s $10, please.”

Umm, what? $10? That was about double what I wanted to spend. I’m on maternity leave, ok, I think twice about whether we really need toilet paper, $10 is just money I don’t need to spend.

But I have this thing about looking cheap so I pretend that this is a perfectly reasonable amount, I’m all relaxed handing over my credit card, besides, I’m about to win a lot of money. $10 is an investment!

I take the scratchie, put it in my wallet and wait for the cashier to give me the go ahead after he pay-waives my card. Then there’s that awkward wait for the amount to be approved that’s just gone on for a few seconds too long.

Finally, there’s the beep, but…

The card is declined.

I’m like, oh shit, put the scratchie back on the counter so he doesnt think I’ll make a run for it, I give him my card again and this time we swipe the card, thinking maybe it was a poor pay-wave situation.

We have that awkward wait again, just for him to give me a sympathetic look and say, sorry, it’s been declined again.

Let me just clarify – that card NEVER gets declined. It’s a credit card, it’s a bottomless pit!

The Secret? The secret is I’m an idiot

You know what that was? That was a sign! That was the universe saying, hey, dipshit, I was having breakfast, I wasn’t giving you any signs! Keep walking, go home! I’ll just keep declining your card!

So, slightly embarrassed, deeply relieved that I didn’t spend an unnecessary $10 and super excited that I can stop rationing toilet paper for the week, I walked back home and hoped to find a bag full of money along the way.

Which by the way, NEVER touch the bag full of money if you find it! Haven’t you seen the movies? People die over that shit!

Ok, that’s enough, enjoy your day, peace out!

B.

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