It isn't right but can it be forgiven?

Don’t get me wrong.

Catch up with Is Sex to Women what Housework is to Men? and Does Sex Get Better With Age?

There’s the kind of cheating where someone is just an asshole. The kind of cheating that’s careless and thoughtless.

But there’s another kind of cheating.

The Steve-Miranda scenario.

A Sex and the City story

For half of my readers, I don’t need to say any more than the Steve-Miranda scenario. For the rest of you who weren’t part of the Sex and the City squad, here’s the situation.

You see, Steve adored Miranda, the angry ginger.

Sex and The City - 1998-2004
Miranda and Steve – Image Credit: Lipstick Alley

He adored her. I’ve always had the feeling that he’s loved her just a little more than she’s loved him.

As life goes, Miranda and Steve have a baby, they have a busy professional life, there’s hardly time to sleep, let alone have sex. Miranda confides in the girls that her and Steve have not had sex in six months.

One fateful night, they’re finally doing it! They’re having sex!

Now, you can see that Steve is loving his life. Sex for a man is traditionally a very exciting time. Miranda, on the other hand, has to get up in four and a half hours and utters the sexiest words you can ever utter to someone during sex…

“Let’s just get it over with.”

Told you it was sexy.

Now, as you might guess, soon after that Steve comes home to painstakingly admit to Miranda that he slept with someone else. He’s crying, she’s crying, we’re crying. It’s a mess. Cause we know how much he loves her. But he just caved.

This, my friends, is called the Steve-Miranda scenario.

Why (decent) men cheat

For men, sex is as important as breathing.

That’s, like, (bro)science.

Sex is a way for men to connect to their partner, it’s about feeling wanted and loved. You can imagine how hard it must be (that’s what she said!) for men to try and try to have sex with their partner, the woman (or man) they love, and to be turned down night after night.

And this can go on for a long time. Men can hold out, yes they can. They can keep waiting and wanking and hoping and wanking and dreaming and wanking.

And eventually, she will come along. And it will be innocent. At first.

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But as there’s eye contact, as there’s someone who’s showing interest, someone flirty and sexy (because a braised chicken will look sexy to a man if he hasn’t had sex for months or years), all it will take is a bit of alcohol and the penis will do the rest.

Because if it’s between the head and the penis, penis always wins. Always.

Why (decent) women cheat

To women, sex itself isn’t that important. I’ve heard many a woman say that she could easily go for months, years, forever even, without sex.

What women need in a relationship, however, is time and attention. Women want their partner to help them with chores, buy them their favorite ice cream at the shops, sit there and listen to all their crazy problems, support them in their crazy ventures, complement them, that kind of thing.

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(If you’re thinking “wow, that’s a lot of work,” honestly – women can feel that way about sex too. I will bet you $100 that a woman who is not in the mood would rather leave the house in the middle of the night to buy her partner gum, than have sex.)

If a woman starts feeling like she’s not being supported or that her partner isn’t interested in the things she’s doing, she will look for that elsewhere. Most of the time, girlfriends will fill the void, like wanking fills the man’s.

But there could come a time when someone outside of the home starts paying them attention. Because, again, women aren’t really after sex. They are after intimacy, they are after friendship. And sometimes, friendship has a dick. Enough said, really.

Everyone needs to be watered

Point is, everyone needs to be watered.

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Relationships have to be nurtured, attention needs to be paid to the things your partner might be struggling with. And if your partner has been reaching out and if they’ve told you that they need more sex or attention, and you haven’t been listening, well…

Look, I’m not saying it’s right. Or that it should always be forgiven.

But I am saying that long term relationships are complicated. And the cheating party doesn’t always want to leave the person they love. Maybe they just made a stupid, impulsive mistake because they felt neglected?

Note to the Husband: I will hurt you. Don’t even think about it.

Please, I would love to know your thoughts – do you think that all cheating is a deal breaker?

Thanks for stopping by ya’ll and remember – don’t be a dick!

B.